WELCOME TO MY WORLD — You know you’re old when . . .
Your butt becomes bony while your belly looks as if you swallowed a hot air balloon
When you awake, the first thing you do is check what hurts or creaks today
The only dates written on your calendar are doctors’ office visits
You can’t remember where you last placed your keys, your glasses and can’t remember your address, your phone number – and, er, I forgot what else
You tell yourself to stand up straight – and can’t
You have used a rotary dial telephone
You’re really, really old if you picked up the receiver, talked with Central, and asked to be connected to someone (on a party line, of course)
Half your junk mail comes from End of Life Service Providers – e.g., funeral homes that want your body and your check marked paid in full
You still believe that “swipe” means to steal, not to use a credit card
This is my maiden adventure into the wonderful world of blogging. The Old Broad Chronicles aims to entertain and outrage you with Aging with Attitude.
My recommendations: Reclaim your rebel youth. Shake your fist at bureaucrats. Slap anyone upside the head if he/she patronizes you by calling you “dear” and talks with a really loud voice and over-articulates the words. Ditto to kids who routinely serve you their talking-with-stupid-old-folks entrée with a side of smirk and sneer.
GET OVER IT, PEOPLE – I AIN’T DEAD YET. And if you’re reading this, neither are you.
Check back periodically. I will post new blog entries as the urge strikes me or at least once a week. Come back, y’all.
Myra Mae McFarland
Aka The Old Broad
Tuesday, August 24, 2010